


my heart is untamed, still

by ariadne_odair



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/F, Girl Direction, Pining, girl!Harry, girl!Liam - Freeform, girl!Louis, girl!Niall, girl!Zayn, harry's all bambi legs but she's secretly gorgeous, louis' a bit of an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-21 04:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1536761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariadne_odair/pseuds/ariadne_odair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Maybe when you're not ten, sweetheart," Louis sneers, and laughs in her face. The girl blanches, her entire face turning white, bitten nails clutching her plaid shirt.</i>
</p><p> <i>"Louis," Liam says slowly, watching as the girl leaves. "You know that girl is in our year, right?"</i></p><p>  <i>Louis watches the girl go, the way her shoulders are slumped, head ducked down, and fights down the squirming feeling in her stomach. "So?" she says icily, trying to keep her voice steady, "I don't care." </i></p><p> </p><p> <br/> </p><p>Or the one where Harry pines and Louis' mean, but it's not so fun when the tables are turned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my heart is untamed, still

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so nervous posting this! Ahh first ever femslash for the 1D fandom :) I'm sorry if I made Louis seem a bit fickle, but as ever it is my take on the characters - not a true representation ect. Clearly, as none of 1D are girls. As far as I know.
> 
> I hope you enjoy and please be kind if you comment :) thank you!

Louis decides fourteen is an important year for her, because it's the year she decides she sort-of-might-do-maybe-hell-yeah likes girls.

It's starts when she kisses Liam behind the bushes at the park. Liam smells nice, and she tastes nice, and when Louis closes her eyes she can see the outline of the sun on the back of her eyelids. They're not a couple - they're too close for that, but halfway through Liam sticking her tongue down Louis' throat, Louis thinks  _oh yeah, maybe penises aren't for me._

It's not a big thing - okay, yeah it's a huge thing, but the point is it doesn't have to be a big thing  _yet._ Not until she wants it to be, not until she's brave enough to say 'I like girl's' out loud, which won't be for a little while yet. But she  _knows,_ and that's the important thing.  _She knows._

 

 

 

So it's probably unfortunate that Harry Styles bumbles into her life the same year Louis has her big lesbian epiphany. It's the middle of summer, and it's so hot that you feel sweaty everything, even the back of your knees, which is weird, and makes Liam screw her nose up like a rabbit when Louis mentions it. Louis and Liam have been visiting this little ice cream shop pretty much everyday, because the guy who runs it - Paul - is a friend of Louis' mum, so always lets her have half price mint choc chip.

Louis' just licking ice cream off her wrist - seriously, how does she get it  _everywhere? -_ when the door opens and this girl just,  _falls_ through the door. She's got dark, frizzy hair, pulled up off her face, and she's blushing, tugging her too long sleeves down over her skinny wrists. Louis just sort of stares, because she's never seen someone do such an accurate impression of a three legged bambi.

And, apparently, an amazingly shocking lack of grace isn't the only attribute this girl has.

The girl has way too big eyes, way too long hair, and enough plaid to give Liam a run for her money. She also has a request for Louis' number, accompanied by a trembling bottom lip and an offer of a date at the cinema.

Louis just stares at her, stares at her for too long, until her ice cream starts to drip down her wrist again. She wants to scream  _how? How do you_   **know?** because Louis' only known herself for a few days, only kissed Liam a few days ago, and this girl, this random girl she - 

\- she knows too.

"Um, we go to the same school," the girls continues, and Louis feels like her head is screaming, a ringing in her ears. "We're in English together, and I just wondering - "

Louis doesn't know who the fuck this girl is, what the fuck she's doing, and she pulls her walls up tight. She admitted it to herself, not to this girl, it's  _private._ What if everyone can tell? What if everyone knows already? And Louis does the only the thing she knows how to do, the only thing she can think of, and shuts everything down where it stands.

"Maybe when you're not ten, sweetheart," Louis sneers, and laughs in her face. The girl blanches, her entire face turning white, bitten nails clutching her plaid shirt.

"Louis," Liam says slowly, watching as the girl leaves. "You know that girl is in our year, right?"

Louis watches the girl go, the way her shoulders are slumped, head ducked down, and fights down the squirming feeling in her stomach. "So?" she says icily, trying to keep her voice steady, "I don't care."

"You do," Liam says softly, and hooks an ankle around Louis'. Louis doesn't meet her gaze, fourteen and scared, too young and too overwhelmed, with drying ice cream sticky sweet on her arm.

 

 

 

 

So, Louis' a bitch at fourteen. Well, she's a bitch at fifteen, and sixteen, _and_ seventeen, and oh, look. The weather forecast predicts the same disposition for eighteen too, but it's  _not her fault._ So, she didn't know that girl - Harriet, which. Ugh. - was in her year. And maybe she shouldn't have laughed in her face, but Louis was  _nervous,_ okay. She didn't expect to suddenly start exuding lesbian hormones, drawing all same-sex girls to her. It was a shock, okay?

So she doesn't feel bad when she ignores Harriet at school, avoids her if she sees her in class, goes the other way when they're headed for the same direction. She ignores the way Harriet ducks her head if she passes, ignores the way she gets quieter and quieter.

Eventually, Louis starts to  _forget -_ well. Not forget. Somehow the image of Harriet Styles' quivering lip doesn't leave, even when she's sixteen, sixteen and over hiding, sixteen and dating Eleanor. She's vaguely aware Harry might actually  _hate_ her, but they were kids. Surely one rebuff doesn't hurt that much, and Louis' denial could run rampant if she let it.

Louis has more important things to do then feeling guilty over Harriet Styles.

(Though that's not entirely true. It's more like the shame gets stashed away, pushed to the very back of her mind, hidden but still  _there._ Like the scar on her ankle she got from playing football. It doesn't hurt, she barely can see it, but she cut it shaving once and it hurt like hell, so Louis shaves with careful precision now. Holds the blade tightly, for fear of cutting something she doesn't want to slice.)

 

 

 

"How much do you think I'd get if I was a prostitute?"

"Not as much as you think," Liam says automatically, shoving her books in her locker. Louis kicks her and Liam jumps, one of her books slamming to the floor. "Louis!"

"I think the answer to that was 'you'll make absolute thousands'," Louis snaps, crossing her arms. "Excuse you, I would be absolutely  _minted_ as a hooker."

"Why do you even care?" Liam asks, exasperated, and she should really be used to to Louis' random queries by now.

"Er, it's for a citizenship project," Louis says quickly, ignoring the fact it's actually a current bet between her and Stan over who'd get paid more. Their friendship is complicated. "Would I get more than Stan?"

Liam gives her a look, pushing her honey blond hair behind her ear. Liam is like, unfairly pretty, all athletic body, big brown eyes, long golden hair. Liam would probably get more than her as a hooker, Louis decides generously. 

"Seeing as I like  _girls,"_ Liam says flatly, tugging up the zip of her bag. "Then yes, I would pay more to have sex with you than Stan. Happy?"

"Filthy slag," Louis replies, and squeals when Liam pinches her. "Hey, don't discriminate against me because of my chosen career!"

Liam just sighs, shaking her head, and Louis leans against her locker, bored. She's got English class in less than five minutes, and she honestly can't remember why she thought A Levels were a good idea. The book they're reading is so bloody depressing, and it's not as though she needs English to be a teacher. Surely she can give her students a crash course, make them sleep with Macbeth under their pillows. Something like that.

"I like your skirt, Lou," Liam says absent mindedly, gesturing to Louis' blue skater skirt. She got it from New Look, and she managed to get 10% off because she nicked her mum's voucher. Her mum's going to go mad when she finds out, but Louis planning on running away to Liam's whenever that moment occurs.

"Would it look better on Zayn?" Louis asks slyly, and Liam groans, ducking her head, though it does nothing to hide the blush spreading across her cheeks.

"Shut up," Liam whines, shaking her head. "We're not talking about that."

"Yes we are," Louis grins happily, scuffing her pumps on the floor. "This is my favourite topic. When are you going to ask her out then?"

"Never," Liam answers firmly, "She's out of my league, Louis. I'd probably fall on my face just walking past her desk."

"So?" Louis says, raising her eyebrows, "Julliette could have fallen off the balcony."

Liam squints at her. "What has that got to do with anything?"

"Because she  _didn't,"_ Louis hisses, grabbing Liam's arm. Liam still looks confused, so Louis rolls her eyes, releasing her grip. "Just go talk to her, okay?"

"What if she's not even gay?" Liam asks, and Louis wants to smash her head into her locker door. Only her hair looks especially nice this morning, so. Maybe later. "She went to prom with Perrie last year. And not in a platonic bestie way, because I happened to go to the toilet - "

"You stalked them to the bathroom."

" - by a chance of fate," Louis continues loudly, "I happened to stumble upon her and Perrie eating each other's faces. And now Perrie's fucked off with Leigh Anne, what Zayn really needs is a nice, good - "

"Louis!" 

" - hug," Louis finishes, rolling her eyes. "Jesus, I was going to say _hug._ Get your mind out of the gutter, Payne."

Liam doesn't look convinced, curling her hands around a strand of her hair like she does when she's nervous. Louis exhales, slumping back against her locker. There's only a couple of minutes till lesson, and Louis can already feel a headache setting in. She glances wildly down the hallway, searching for a potential exit strategy, and freezes.

"Liam," Louis says, and her voice cracks. "Why did I break up with Eleanor?"

"Because you don't need to be constrained by the monogamous norms of society," Liam recites automatically. "Only it's really because you were bored of her, and too chicken to tell her - "

"No," Louis cuts in, "I broke up with her because of  _that."_

 _That_ is the most gorgeous girl Louis has ever since, strutting down the corridor like she was born on a runaway. She's wear skinny black jeans that cling to her legs, legs Louis would very much like to climb like a tree. Her long, dark brown hair hangs in waves, curling beautifully around her shoulders, accentuating her flawless skin. She's wearing a plain white shirt that shows the curves of her small, perky breasts.

Louis literally wants to pin her to the wall and lick her out.

"I literally want to pin her to the wall and lick her out," Louis tells Liam happily, and Liam chokes on air. "Who the fuck is that, and how have I not had sex with her?"

"Louis, that's - " Liam glares at her, brow furrowing at Louis' clear befuddlement. "She's, she's in our year," Liam says hesitantly, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. "Remember when you went out with Eleanor for a year? And you went through the stage where you thought she was the only female on the planet?"

"Yeah, but that waned when the sex did," Louis whines. Christ, even her knees are trembling, which is apparently a thing now. The girl is walking towards them, and Louis' eyes trace the elegant curve of her neck, the way her curls curve against her skin like a kiss.

"I'm going to go talk to her," Louis decides, and Liam's eyes practically pop out of her head. "Louis," Liam says in a worried tone, "Louis, that is a really bad idea - "

"Gone," Louis says sweetly, and smooths out her skirt before she saunters off. She's  _good_ at this, good at flirting, good at showing off her curves, at exuding confidence, until even she believes it. In Louis' philosophy, it's go big or go home, and she's no longer a scared fourteen year old. 

She's  _hot,_ Louis thinks smugly, and so is this girl, so Louis wastes not time putting on her most flirtatious smile. She stops a little away from her, and this girl is  _tall,_ taller than Louis which. Hot. Like burning pits of hell hot. Louis wants this girl to pin her down, and  _wreck_ her.

Gosh, Louis' subconscious if very graphic today.

"Hey," Louis greets slowly, and the girl looks up at her, with the longest lashes Louis has even seen. 

"Hey," the girl answers slowly, her voice low and raspy. It makes something warm curl in Louis' stomach.

"So," Louis begins, and pats herself on the back for being so casual. "What class do you have next?"

The girl lifts an eyebrow, and does this little smirk thing, her eyes darkening to a deep jade. It makes Louis want to roll over on her belly.

"Why?" the girl asks, cocking her head to one side. "You planning your avoidance tactics ahead of schedule?"

Louis frowns. "What?"

The girl rolls her eyes, and Louis catches the way they darken, cool as steel and just as hard. It makes Louis' stomach flip flop uncomfortably.

"Whatever, Tomlinson," the girl says, shaking her head. "Go play your little hierarchy games with someone else."

"I really don't get what you're talking about," Louis begins, and then  _shit. Shit, shit, buggering fuck, shit, **fuck.**_

She's seen those eyes before. Specifically, in a too big face, high lighted by pale skin, three years ago in a certain cafe. The same colour, only drenched in hurt, and shame, and bone splintering humiliation from a too harsh rejection. 

"Harriet," Louis chokes, because she did not sign up for this, she did not sign up for this, she did not put her name down for some _Miss Congeniality_ shit. Apparently, everything Louis says is wrong, though, but this seems to piss Harriet off even more.

"It's Harry," she corrects shortly, tucking one curl behind her ear. "It's always been Harry. Which you would know if you hadn't avoided me like the plague for the past three years."

"I - " Louis says helplessly, and she's stuck. She honestly doesn't know what to say, what to do. She feels fresh waves of regret hit her, ones that haven't stirred in a long time, crashing against her ribs and drowning her lungs. Harry looks unimpressed, and that only makes it worse, that bland mask of aloofness.

"Anything else?" Harry asks sardonically, then doesn't wait for her answer before pushing past her to leave. She smacks into Louis' shoulder as she goes, and Louis catches the smell of vanilla, intoxicating and warm. Louis watches her go, the curve of her ass in those jeans, and the bounce of her hair, before Harry turns the corner.

Liam has a sympathetic expression on her face when Louis crawls back to her, and Louis can't even bring herself to punch Liam in the tit for her unfailing kindness. Instead she just kind of whimpers loudly, and Liam tucks an arm around her, stroking her back.

"What did she say?" Liam asks anxiously. "Are you okay?"

"Liam," Louis says quietly, "Liam, I am going to get Harry Styles to fall in love with me."

Liam looks at her, then cracks up laughing, until Louis punches her in the tit.

She's not sure why this is such a  _thing_ for her. Sure, Harry's gorgeous, but it's more than that. It's the way she carries herself, it's the sway of her hips, the arrogant tilt of her lip when she essentially cuts Louis to shreds. Louis feels dizzy, light, and like she has to prove herself. Has to fight for her, the little competitive spark lighting like a carefully cupped cigarette, and Harry is the lighter, the power of fire hidden in a sleek casing.  _  
_

Louis is so screwed.

"You can't be serious," Liam wheezes, clutching her right boob, "Louis, are you insane? She hates you, you were horrible to her that time."

"So?" Louis says snidely. "That was fourteen years ago. Goldfish have shorter memories than that."

"Did you just compare her to a goldfish?" Liam sighs, "yeah, because that'll really win her over. Louis, drop it. You looked like an idiot chatting her up. I genuinely thought she was going to punch you."

"Do you want another bruised boob?" Louis threatens. She is nothing but resilient, she can already feel plans forming in her mind. She's going to win over Harry Styles if it's the last thing she does.

Liam's hysterical laughter isn't reassuring, but she can't talk. She walked into a locker last week, just because Zayn happened to flip her hair in her direction.

 

 

The thing is, once Louis' brooded in the back of history for half an hour, she comes up with a plan. She's weighed the pros and cons, and 30 minutes into the Russian revolution, she's decided she's got to take action. The thing is, Harry is suddenly insanely hot. Which would be a terribly fickle thing to base their friendship on, but Louis feels  _awful,_ okay? So, the only way to redeem herself, is become Harry's best friend. If she somehow gets to hang around with an extremely attractive girl with killer legs, that's just an added bonus.

Thing is, Louis has no idea how to be Louis' best friend. In fact, Louis' not sure who Harry's friends  _with._ Ah well. Have to go with opportunity sampling.

Louis scans the class, until her eyes fall on Nick Grimshaw, who looks suitably hipstery. Louis has had only one encounter with Nick, and that was in Year 7 when she locked him in the French cupboard when he went to go look for the dictionaries. In her defence, Nick had made some joke about her height, which Louis with all her tween rage had taken very seriously. 

However, we must all make sacrifices, which is how Louis finds herself marching up to Nick at the end of the lesson. Nick looks suitably surprised to see her, but Greg James is standing next to him, so it should be okay. Greg is an absolute babe. Louis would consider pretending to be straight for him. Right up there with Tyler Hoechlin, is Gregory James.

"What does Harry Styles like?" Louis says sharply, and Nick's eyebrows rise so high there's a danger they'll end up in his quiff. 

"Is this some kind of personality quiz?" Nick asks, and Louis wants to punch him so, so hard.

"I pissed her off this morning," Louis says stiffly, clenching her fists, "I want to make it up to her."

"That's not going to happen," Nick says, tone practically bleeding condescension, "Harry told me all about your little spat. She doesn't like you, which is fair enough considering you didn't even know what her real name was an hour ago."

"Shut up," Louis snaps, blanching slightly, "I didn't mean to upset her, okay?"

"Harry said you were practically humping her leg," Nick says flatly, and Louis has a strong urge to repeat the great cupboard incident of 2011. Thankfully, Greg steps in then, so she'll have to test Nick's claustrophobia another day.

"What's this about, babe?" Greg asks, wrapping an arm around her and glaring at Nick. Seriously. A man of the Gods.

"Harry hates me," Louis sniffles, cuddling up to him for a little extra sympathy. Nick gives an exasperated sigh, and storms off, predictably to watch black and white indie films, or something equally pretentious.

"Well, you did turn her down that one time," Greg says carefully, and Louis' head snaps up. Greg smiles slightly at her shocked expression. "Louis, all her friends know about it. That's why Nick's acting like a twatty bulldog. Because he's worried you're going to hurt her."

"I was fourteen!" Louis protests, not for the first time, because seriously. She did one shitty thing and now she's the fucking anti-christ. 

"Yeah, but Harry had a massive crush on you," Greg says, and Louis' eyes widen. "So it hurt her more than it should have."

"How did she even know I was gay?" Louis asks quietly, and tries to ignore the way all her nerves tense like bow strings. 

She's not ashamed, she  _knows_ that, but she was once. It was a really shitty time, and Louis was dumb and naive, and just - It wasn't a thing you did. It was a joke tagged along, a snipe if some girl in the year below had too short hair. It was the remark thrown about in the changing rooms. Louis knows homophobia's the same wherever it is, but it's just -  _different_ for girls.

It's the fear that someone would think she was checking them out in the changing room after P.E. It was the terror that if she hugged someone that little too long, they would suspect. It was the fact she suddenly couldn't tell someone they liked their dress, in case they thought she was hitting on them. And they  _wouldn't,_ no one  _would,_ but it was just so  _scary._

It was Liam in the end that convinced her. Liam, who walked into Year 9 art, to promptly walk back out again and tell Louis that the most attractive girl she had ever seen was sitting on her table. And Liam's good and noble and shit, and if she was out - well. Louis was out too. It's why Liam's her best friend. They do things  _together._

And it's not perfect, there's still idiots who ask them to make out in front of them, like their sexuality is some form of  _entertainment._ But Liam has a mean right hook, and Louis' a world class bitch, so. Mostly it's fine. It's just sometime she forgets, and then she's back to being a scared, little girl, locked in her room, the words ' _I've got something to tell you'_ like acid on her tongue.

"I think she saw you kissing a girl," Greg says carefully, and Louis snaps back to the present with a jolt. "Seriously, Lou, why are you suddenly so interested?"

"Because she's fit," Louis says honestly, and Greg cracks up, squeezing her arm with his hand. 

"Okay," Greg says slowly, shaking his head. "I'm pretty certain I shouldn't help you, just because of that comment." Louis pinches his arm and he laughs, slapping her hand away. "I'm being serious! You can't just go chasing after her, because you want to get into her pants."

"I don't suppose you know what lingerie she wears - "

" - shut up, Louis."

"Fine," Louis huffs, rolling her eyes. "C'mon, Greg. I just want to be nice to her. I'm good at being nice, I just need to know what she  _likes._ How am I supposed to be her friend if I'm going in blind?"

Greg rolls his eyes, but he relents, like she knew he would. Greg's a romantic at heart, part of the reason they're friends is because Louis help him get with his girlfriend, Ellie. (Well, originally, Louis had kind of wanted to get with Ellie herself, but they're sickeningly cute, really.)

"She's on the running team," Greg says finally, and Louis lets out a whoop. "She practises every morning about 6ish? In the park by West Street. Don't be a freak, okay? Try and pretend you're slightly normal."

Louis doesn't hear him - she's already planning what sports bra would be best to wear.

 

 

 

 

"I can't believe you made me do this," Liam hisses, pulling her coat closer around her. She's got a beanie pulled over her hair, face soft and sleepy from the early wake up call. Her hands are clasped together, and Louis feels a rush of affection when she sees Liam's fingertips poking out the holes at the end.

"Look, this is part one of plan: woo Harry," Louis says grandly, even though she can barely feel her feet in her dirty converses. It's absolutely freezing, the morning air sneaking cold fingers down the back of her t-shirt, and she shivers.

"Wait, I think that's her coming," Liam frowns, slumping down on the nearest bench. Then she squeaks. "Wait, is that  _Zayn?"_

Louis squints, and it  _is_ Zayn, trawling behind Harry looks as if she wants to kill someone. Harry frowns when she sees them. Her hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail,  one curl escaping and curling across her face like a cow's lick. It's adorable. Louis wants to kiss it.

"What are you doing here?" Harry demands, putting her hands on her hips. Which she really she shouldn't do, because now Louis wants to put  _her_ hands on Harry's hips, see if she can count every one of her ribs.

"Running," Louis says cheerfully. "Well, I am. Liam's more here for social support, aren't you babe?" Liam shoots her a look that could freeze the sun, then waves at Harry. Harry waves back. Louis tries not to feel irrationally jealous.

"Is that coffee?" Zayn asks, voice throaty with sleep, and Liam blinks so rapidly it looks like she's got a condition.

"Er, yes," Liam says hesitantly, holding out the flask. "Do you want some?"

"Fuck yes," Zayn moans, and throws herself down on the bench beside Liam. Her dark hair is tied up in a messy bun, and the weak sunshine catches the gold glints in her eyes. Liam looks transfixed.

"Well, we'll leave you two sleepy mouses to it," Louis says brightly, ignoring the looks of pure panic Liam is sending her. "Me and Harry will just go for a little jog?" She turns to Harry and raises one eyebrow. "You're here to go jogging, right?"

Harry gives her an extremely dirty look, then promptly turns and runs away.

"I can see your butt," Louis shouts after her, the early morning and cold air making her jittery with adrenaline, and follows after her.

She catches up with Harry easily. Louis may hate getting up, but she was on the football team for, like, forever. Plus she has four siblings. You need serious leg muscles to keep up with the twins.

She can tell Harry wasn't expecting her to keep up, with the way surprise flicks across her face, disappearing like a shadow the moment she catches Louis looking.

"So," Louis says as they jog past their sixth bench, "I think Liam has a major boner for Zayn."

She feels a little bad for throwing Liam under the proverbial bus, but it's worth it to see the way Harry stumbles, eyes widening slightly.

"Or you know, the girl equivalent," Louis says thoughtfully, her feet slapping the hard surface of the path. "What would that be? A woman boner? A woner? A wo-boner? A wo bo? Like, for slang. Or I guess, if we were talking scientifically - "

"What do you _want?"_ Harry bursts out. She skids to a stop so fast her feet squeak, and Louis topples into her. She has one glorious moment of being encompassed by  _Harry,_ and then Harry's shoving her away, panting.

"What the hell?" Louis snaps, heart still pounding by the sudden break. "What's wrong with a wo-bo?"

Harry mouths the word  _wo-bo,_ expression incredulous. Louis shuffles her feet. It sounded good at the  _time._

"Why are you talking to me?" Harry grits out, flushed cheeks standing out in the bleakness of the morning. "Why are you following me to the park? What is wrong with you?"

Louis blinks, fisting her hands into the fabric of her shirt. "Look, Harry, about when we were younger - "

"You mean when you laughed in my face?" Harry snaps, and she looks livid now. "When I was absolutely pissing myself about talking to you, and you threw it back at me?"

"I was scared!" Louis protests, her stomach twisting itself into knots. "Look, I'm sorry - "

Harry snorts, throwing her head back. "What, and you were sorry for three years? When you ignored me? You didn't look at me  _once."_

"Harry, I'm sorry," Louis says again, and she feels as though she might cry. "I'm so sorry."

Her voice catches, and Harry looks up. Her expression is emotionless, and Louis feels a wrenching in her gut, like something is being ripped from her grasp, and she doesn't even know what.

"So am I," Harry says finally, "so am I, Louis."

She turns and runs off, and Louis watches her go. She sinks to the floor, and the damp grass soaks through her trousers, until her legs are numb.

 

 

 

 

"Are you okay?" Liam says hesitantly, about half an hour later. She doesn't ask where Harry's gone.

"Yeah," Louis says tonelessly, and rips up a huge handful of grass.

Liam sits down beside her, and doesn't even say a word when they both have massive wet patches on their arses.

 

 

 

 

The last thing Louis expects to see the next morning, is Harry waiting by her locker. In fact, Louis had prepared herself to never have face to face contact with Harry again, but instead pine from afar, until she goes mad and becomes a lesbian Miss Haversham.

(She keeps hearing the words ' _you didn't look at me once,'_ and she's bitten her nails till they're bloody.)

But Harry is there, and Louis actually double takes. She's in dark skinny jeans, and a deep blue blazer, and she's not wearing a smile.

"Harry - " Louis begins, twisting her hands in her skirt, but Harry cuts her off.

"Tell me you're sorry," Harry says, and the tone of her voice makes Louis shiver. "Tell me you're sorry, like you  _mean it."_

Louis cocks her head to one side, but acquisces. "I'm sorry for acting like that when you asked me out," Louis says firmly, keeping eye contact. "I should have apologised, and I didn't, and that was mean. Er, and sorry for stalking you to the park."

Harry takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry for flipping out at you yesterday. I mean, I was pissed, but we were kids. I just - "

She flushes, and Louis feels something twist in her stomach as Harry ducks her head. Harry winces. "I overreacted."

"No," Louis states, shaking her head, because how does she deal with this? This bambi legged girl, with a big heart criss crossed with scars, flushing in front of her.

"I was a bitch," Louis says firmly, "and I should have apologised to you at some point - "

"But I shouldn't have shouted at you," Harry argues, "I should have confronted you - "

"No," Louis snaps, then catches herself. "We're arguing about who's a worse person."

"Oh," Harry blinks, then cracks a smiles. It's not a smirk, it's upturned pink lips, a flash of white teeth, and Louis' chest  _aches._

"I mean, it's clearly you," Harry grins, and Louis laughs, shocked at the laughter that escapes her.

"Right," she says, and it feels like she's lighter somehow. "Glad that's sorted." She clears her throat. "But I am really sorry I hurt you."

Harry just scuffs her shoes on the floor, biting her lip. Louis watches sharp teeth leave indents in Harry's plush bottom lip, before she realises Harry's talking to her.

"Er, what?" she says dumbly, and Harry laughs. 

"I said I think Liam and Zayn got on well," Harry repeats, amusement dancing in her gaze, "Zayn didn't bitch once on the way home."

"Why did she even come?" Louis asks, grinning, "she was doing a startling good impression of a zombie."

"She normally times my laps," Harry shrugs, "I'd do it with my phone, but I'm really accident prone, I've dropped it like six times. She draws sometimes, she's really good."

"Well I think Liam appreciated it," Louis shrugs. "They'd be a cute couple. If Zayn was a zombie, Liam definitely would let her eat her brains."

Harry laughs, and Louis feels as though she's lost some of her footing. "That's so gross."

"That's modern romance," Louis says seriously, "if you're not offering up a vital organ, then I don't want to know."

"How did you even know where I run?" Harry asks, scrunching up her nose.

"Asked Greg," Louis replies casually, then blanches. "I mean, I was talking to Greg about running, and where it was good. To run. Where it was good to run. And he said that park, because. Um. The ground's very. Firm."

"Firm?" Harry repeats, raising an eyebrow, and a hole to swallow her up would be lovely now, please.

"Yeah," Louis lies, "good for the ankles."

"Well, I'm sure your ankles have really benefited," Harry says, absolutely deadpan, "I'm sure they're very sturdy."

"Oh yes," Louis says, and why is she still talking? "The sturdiest. Like ankles made of steel."

"Right," Harry says, and she's smirking, the little shit. "Well you have fun with that."

"I will," Louis says, and Harry snorts again, shaking her head.

The bell rings, and they stand there in a silence that's only semi-awkward. Louis focuses on Harry's wrists, on the numerous bracelets she has, dark rope wrapped around pale skin.

"I guess I'll see you around?" Louis says hesitantly, and kicks herself when it comes out as a question. Not that kicking herself would hurt, with her ankles of steel.

Shut up, Louis.

"Guess so," Harry replies awkwardly, shooting Louis a small smile. She gives Louis a small wave, and heads to her first class.

It occurs to Louis that she's always watching Harry leave. It makes her chest hurt. 

It makes her wonder what would happen if she followed her.

 

 

 

"No, Louis," Liam says the moment she walks into music. Liam waves her headphones threateningly at her. "I know that look, and I have to get on with work, Louis. We've got to give our coursework in in less than three weeks."

"That's almost a whole month," Louis says, rolling her eyes. "C'mon, Liam. I've got something really important to tell you."

"No," Liam says stubbornly, "I've got to get this done."

"It's about Zayynn," Louis sing songs, smirking when Liam's face sparks in badly concealed interest. "Well, sort of. Anyway, I just apologised to Harry Styles."

Liam gapes at her. "You apologised?" She looks so incredulous that Louis feels offended. "Louis, I don't think I've ever seen you apologise. Ever. Not that time when you locked Nick in the cupboard, not that time you threw glue at Lucy Summers, not that time you - "

"Yes, thank you," Louis snaps, glaring at her. "And I have apologised! I apologised to my mum that time I broke her favourite vase."

"Because she threatened you with a month of baby sitting," Liam argues. "And I have seen your brothers, Lou, and they are lovely, but you would be dead by the second day."

"Hey - not actually, I can't even defend that." Louis sighs. "But you should have seen her, Li. I thought she was going to cry, and I - I do actually have a heart."

"Yeah, I know," Liam says, sighing. "Well, good for you, Lou."

Louis hums in agreement, sitting down on one of the stools. She pulls out her coursework; she does actually have to get some of it done, she was supposed to do some last night, only she was playing FIFA. In her defence, Lot had challenged her to a game, and she does have to have some pride.

"How's Loki?" Louis asks eventually, after writing a couple of lines. Loki is Liam's insanely adorable dog. He is literally a giant bundle of fluff, and he definitely doesn't deserve to be named after a psychotic Norse God.

"Boisterous," Lim sighs, "he's absolutely mad lately, I can't get him to stop running around. Mum wants me to start taking him for longer walks."

"Well, where do you walk him?" Louis frowns, "do you let him off?"

"Yeah," Liam says, "but it's easier if there's two people, 'cause he doesn't always come back. I once had to crawl into a ditch to get him, and I got mud all over trousers."

"Maybe you need someone to walk him with you," Louis says, then freezes. " _Liam."_

Liam takes one look at her, then shoves her headphones back in. "La, la, la, not listening to Louis' crazy schemes, la, la, no - LOUIS, GET OFF!"

 

 

 

Which is how they find themselves at the park,  _again,_ only this time they have a puppy in tow. Loki  _loves_ Louis. She tells Liam this, and Liam just glares at her, and snippily says the feeling isn't mutual.

"Who's a good boy," Louis coos, rubbing a hand over Loki's plush fur. Loki wriggles happily, licking her hand with his raspy tongue. He barks once, nudging his head up into Louis' hand for more cuddles.

"Awe, he's so cute," Louis says, "Liam, we should do this more often."

"No, we shouldn't," Liam hisses, leaning down to tie her laces up for the third time. "Louis, Zayn is going to be there. What if she hates dogs? What is she's allergic? What if her face swells up and she has to go to hospital?"

There's really no point being rational with Liam at this point, so Louis tries a more practical tactic. "My mum's a nurse. It'll be fine."

"Your mum's a  _midwife,_ " Liam snaps, scuffing her feet along the pavement. They stop at the bench, Loki sniffing excitedly around the edges of the bench. Louis slings an arm around Liam's shoulder, witch is difficult when she's attached to a wiggly puppy, but she manages it. Liam sniffles, resting her head on Louis' shoulder, and Louis smiles.

Soon enough Loki starts barking, and Louis looks up, sees Harry and Zayn approaching. Harry is in a loose t-shirt, and Louis can see the straps of her bra where her t-shirt slides off her shoulder.

"Hey," Harry ask, smirk pulling at her lips, then blinks. "Is that a puppy?"

"Yes," Louis says breezily. "He's Liam's. We thought it'd be nice to take him for a little walk. He's very boisterous at the moment."

Liam's rolling her eyes at her, but at that moment Loki surges forward. Louis, as she's holding the lead, almost has her arm pulled out of its socket. Who knew puppies could be so strong? Loki starts pawing at Zayn's jeans, whining and butting her with his head.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!" Liam apologizes immediately, running forward, but Zayn just smiles. She bends down, stroking his head, and Loki whines happily.

"I love dogs," Zayn smiles, and she looks straight up at Liam from under her eyelashes. Liam looks like she's faint, which is hilarious, and Louis snickers into the arm of her jacket. "What's his name?"

"Loki," Liam says softly, biting her lip. "Like, from  _The Avengers._ "

Yeah, because there's so many other Lokis, Louis wants to say, but Zayn seems to light up, entire face glowing. "I saw that film, like, ten times."

"And that's our cue," Louis grins, nudging Harry in the shoulder. "They'll be at it for hours. Liam is stupidly obsessed with superheroes."

Harry shrugs, but starts running. They jog in silence for a bit, the only sound their panting breaths. Louis can see the condensation curling in the air, like little puffs of smoke. Harry's face is determined, green eyes intent as her feet find the perfect rhythm. They stop after a few minutes through an unspoken agreement, Louis bent over and resting her hands on her knees.

"So," Harry says, taking a long sip of her water. She offers Louis a sip, and Louis takes it gratefully, the rim still warm from Harry's lips. "You just happened to be in the same park as me."

"Nah, this is for Liam's benefit," Louis says, handing her the water back, "I'm afraid it's not all about you, Styles. I'm strictly here on cupid business."

"Right," Harry says, shaking a curl out of her eyes. "Well, the puppy was a good tactic. Zayn pretends to be hard, but she's a sucker for anything cute and fluffy."

"What about you?" Louis asks slyly, tucking a strand of her ponytail behind her ear. "Are you a sucker?"

Harry blinks at her, then bursts out laughing. "You realise that doesn't even make sense, right?"

Louis shrugs, not offended. "It was worth a try."

"You're really weird," Harry says, but she's smiling as she says it. "You remind me of my sister."

"You have a sister?" Louis asks delightedly, bouncing on the soles of her feet. "Sick, I've always wanted a sister. I've only got brothers."

"They're all younger than you, aren't they?" Harry asks curiously, cocking her head to one side. "One of them goes to our school, right?"

"Yeah, Lot. He thinks he's cool because he's in Year 8. But he still has a Bieber fringe, and he gets to school on a skateboard, so I'm not holding out much hope."

"Gemma's all right," Harry says, scrunching her nose up in a totally-not-adorable way. "She's a bit annoying, but 's nice. Having a big sister to look after you."

"I don't mind having brothers," Louis sighs, because she doesn't, not really. "But they're a bit of a pain. Like, you can't bitch about cutting your legs shaving to them, you know? And they're all terrified of the sanitary towels in the bathroom cupboard. Seem to think they're hand grenades or something."

Harry giggles at that, leaning down to pull up her ankle sock from where it's slipped down. The ankles are thin, brittle, the jut of bone sharp. "Have you done your English homework, yet?"

Louis blinks at her, confused. Honestly, she can't even remember Harry being in her class, but that may have something to do with the fact she sleeps through it. No, seriously, her and the boy next to her have a system. She naps, and Ashton keeps watch like a little meerkat. Louis' not even sure why Ashton bothers, but it may have something to do with the fact Louis threatened to rip out his spine if he didn't. It's not her fault he took her seriously.

"Nooo," she says carefully, and Harry shakes her head, smiling, dimples showing in her cheeks.

"It's not due for a little while," Harry says quietly. She clears her throat. "I could help you with it sometime?"

"Sure, that would be great," Louis blinks, taken aback. "Thanks, Harry."

" 's nothing," Harry says, but Louis can see the flush in her cheeks. "Do you want to finish the run?"

Louis nods, so they keep going. Louis can't help sneaking little glances at Harry; the flex of her thighs, the bounce of her ponytail, her strong arms pumping in time with her legs. Exercise never seemed like a particularly attractive thing before, but watching Harry is like watching raw power, muscles and tissue and sinews, all working together, smoothing out to create long, even strides, neat feet swallowing up the track. 

Harry catches her looking, green eyes curious, and Louis looks away, swallows.

Liam is laughing with Zayn when they reach the bench. Zayn has got Loki in her lap, smooshing his fluffy cheeks with her hand so he makes funny faces. Loki looks blissfully passive, and Liam has one hand stroking his fur. She jumps when she hears Louis' cat call, and Loki's head snaps up, jumping off Zayn's lap with a bark.

"Hello, baby boy," Louis coos, scooping him up and cuddling him. "Liam, I'm taking your puppy. He's too good for you."

"Thanks," Liam says, rolling her eyes. "Nice run?"

Louis opens her mouth, but Harry answers before she can, a simple: "Yeah," before she wanders over to Zayn. Louis watches her hip check Zayn, and Zayn roll her eyes, nudging Harry gently with her shoulder.

"I guess we'll see you at school," Zayn says slowly, slipping her hands in her pockets. "Bye, Louis. Bye, Liam."

Louis waves, and so does Liam, beet red, and the two girls slope off. Louis can see that their heads are close, Zayn whispering something in Harry's ear. "So," she says, turning to Liam with a knife-sharp grin. "Did she have an allergic reaction?"

Liam sticks her tongue out at her, but her eyes are soft. "No."

"Good," Louis says loudly, "Because my mum's a nurse and - "

Liam punches her in the boob, but it's so so worth it.

 

 

 

It becomes a thing. At least Louis' calling it a thing. It is definitely defined as thing with a t-h-i-n-g, because that means it's  _special._ At least Louis likes to think it's more than a random occurrence; she turns up, Harry and Zayn turn up, Loki tags along and Louis goes running. At least if she gets something out of this it'll be good abs; Louis doesn't think she's ever actually run so much so early, for so long.

About a week after they've started their athletic engagements, Zayn brings a dog too. Louis just kind of stares at it the first time; it's brown and fluffy, and has a face like its run into a brick wall.

"What," Louis says slowly. "The hell is that."

Zayn scowls at her, scooping the puppy up in her arms. Louis hasn't really had a chance to talk to Zayn yet, mostly she just chats to Liam, and leaves her suitably starry eyed and sappy. "It's a puppy," Zayn huffs, "as the barking and fur and paws would suggest."

"That doesn't look like any puppy I've ever seen," Louis says uncertainly, leaning forward slightly on her toes. "That's a ferret that's been blow dried."

Harry giggles next to her, and Louis grins at her. Harry reaches out and pats the puppy, tickling under her chin. "Her name's Hatchi," Harry says slowly, "she's Per - "

"Harry," Zayn snaps, face darkening. She's squeezing Hatchi so hard, Louis' worried her brains are going to splat out. "Shut up."

Harry's face falls, hurt, and Louis squeezes her elbow, feeling Harry relax slightly. Liam rocks on the balls of her feet, then carefully tugs Loki forward. "Does she like other dogs?" Liam asks carefully, and Zayn's eyes flashes to hers, her face scrutinising. 

In the end it's Loki who's the deciding factor, who seems to think that Hatchi is the canine equivalent of Helen of Troy. He promptly starts licking her face, which Hatchi seems to enjoy, if the way she head butts him is anything to go by. Louis leaves them to it, jogging steadily, matching her rhythm to Harry's as if it's second nature. 

"Why did Zayn look as if she was going to throw up earlier?" Louis asks with her usual tact when they're half way round. It's a little warmer now, and Harry's jogging bottoms cut off at the knee. 

Harry pauses for a moment, as if she's considering what to say. "Hatchi belonged to Zayn's ex-girlfriend," she answers finally.

"So why does Zayn have her?" Louis asks, frowning. She can't imagine breaking up with someone and taking their  _dog._ In fact, she'd probably break up with a lot more people if she was getting puppies out of it.

Harry laughs suddenly, the noise lovely and sweet in the crisp air. "It's a bit of a weird story. Perrie was Zayn's ex, but she - well, I'd say broke her heart, but it's more like smashed it with a sledge hammer."

"Ouch," Louis winces sympathetically, "she, er, she goes to a different sixth form, doesn't she? And she's going out with Leigh-Anne now."

"Yes." Harry looks grim, her mouth is set in a flat line. "Yeah. She does. But when they broke up, Zayn sort of - flipped. It just hit her really hard, and I said she should make a list of break up songs? Because that's what people always do, right? Listen to angsty, whiny songs, like in that film. The one with the girl, and her boyfriend runs away. Only he's actually with her sister." Harry bites her lip thoughtfully. "Do you know what film I'm talking about?"

"Er, I can honestly say I don't," Louis says truthfully, smiling slightly as Harry's brow furrows. 

"I'm sure it'll come to me," Harry sighs, and she looks so wistful it makes Louis want to pinch her cheeks. Or snog her senseless. Either option if fine. "Anyway, Zayn listens to all this boring r'n'b stuff, so - as a  _joke,_ I would like to stress it was a  _joke -_ I suggested  _Who Let The Dogs out."_

Harry shakes her head, eyes lighting as she recalls the memory. "So then Zayn starts crying, and talking about how they picked Hatchi together, how they were going to co-share, blah, blah, blah. And  _then,_ she decides she's going to go get Hatchi back."

Louis blinks. "She was going to kidnap her ex's dog? And you went with her?"

"Well, yeah. She's my best friend," Harry says simply, and Louis feels affection rush through her. "So Zayn convinces me to drive her to Perrie's house, with the plan to storm up to Perrie and demand the dog back. So we get to the door, and Perrie's mum lets us in. I don't think Perrie had even told her mum they'd broken up, because her mum was really nice. Anyway, her mum tells us Perrie's in her room - "

Louis' starts to go a foreboding feeling in her stomach, and she takes a long gulp of water. She has a feeling of dread that she knows where this is going to go.

"So, we open the door," Harry sighs, and Louis' stomach sinks, "And Perrie's in her room. But so is Leigh-Anne."

Harry shakes her head, and it  _hurts_ how upset she looks, second hand sadness for her best friend. "In the end I think Perrie felt bad, she pretty much threw Hatchi at us. They'd broken up, but - it wasn't nice. So Zayn grabbed the dog, then we went home." Harry frowns. "And cried. And watched  _Mulan._ With lots of ice cream." _  
_

Louis sighs, feeling a surge of sympathy for Zayn. "That's really shitty," she says finally, and Harry lets out a little shocked bark of laughter. She shoots Louis a sideways glance, wry smile dancing on her lips.

"Yeah," she says softly, "yeah, it is." She looks at the ground, scuffing her feet. "Why did you break up with Eleanor?"

Louis looks up sharply, but Harry's face is open, curious but not pushy. "It just felt safe," she says finally, "which is stupid, I know, just. I think I was, like, in love with the idea of being in love with her. I liked having someone pretty, and nice, someone to hold hands with. It was sweet but - it didn't. Make my heart race."

Louis swallows, looking down to the ground. She hates sharing stuff about herself, even now. It makes her feel bared, exposed. Like she wants to pull back everything she's just said, tug it back and pretend that's she's never said it.

"What about you?" Louis says quietly, chancing a look at Harry. Harry's face is carefully blank, unreadable. "Any break up stories?"

"Only one," Harry says lightly, then squints at the horizon. "C'mon, we better get back. Hatchi will be humping Liam's leg by now."

Louis' slightly hurt by the brush off, but she doesn't say anything. It does make her spine straighten, though; she hates revealing shards of herself, and not getting anything in return. It makes her feel like an idiot, like she's revealed her hand only to be beaten by a full house. She's pretty sure Harry notices the tension, she's quiet and serious, eyes focused on the path in front of her.

Zayn and Liam are sitting apart from each other when they round the corner, which is weird because normally they sit close together, so their shoulders are brushing. Hatchi has collapsed on top of Loki, but Loki is wagging his tail like mad, so it's kind of cute. Liam stands up when Louis saunters up to her, and Louis notes she looks strangely flushed.

"I'll see you at school, yeah?" Harry asks, her voice just the wrong side of brittle.

" 'course," Louis replies easily, and Harry smiles, waving as she goes. Louis doesn't even know why they say this to each other; they don't even talk to each other at school, nothing more than a nod if they pass each other in the corridor. She guesses it's just a new habit, a goodbye tradition that has somehow become ingrained in them.

Liam's quiet on the way home, and Louis has to say her name three times before she looks at her. "What's with you?" Louis asks suspiciously, eyes narrowing. "You've been really quiet. Did you smoke one of Zayn's cigarettes? Has it had some weird effect on your kidney - "

"Zayn kissed me," Liam blurts, then clasps her hands over mouth. Louis blinks at her, then whoops loudly. A dog walker across the road glares at her, but Louis doesn't care, grabbing Liam's hands and swinging her round, Loki's lead get tangled around their legs.

"Get in, Payno," Louis crows, doing a little happy dance. "Was it good? Did she use tongue? Did she touch you up? Did  _you_ touch  _her_ up? What bra size is she?"

"Yes, yes, no, definitely no, and undetermined," Liam answers, grinning happily. Loki barks at her feet, and Liam scoops him up, burrowing her face in his fur.

"It was really nice," Liam says softly, "she was telling me about Hatchi - she used to be Perrie's, so. It was a bit awkward. And then I said - I said anyone who let her go was stupid. And then she kissed me. Apparently, she's liked me for ages, she just didn't know how to tell me."

"That's so good, Li," Louis beams, because Liam looks so happy, all glowy and soft eyed. "So is she your girlfriend now?"

"I don't know," Liam frowns suddenly, brow crinkling. "Oh gosh, I didn't ask. What if we're not? Should I have asked?"

"I don't know," Louis shrugs, because she doesn't. The only relationship she's had was with a couple of boys in Year 8, and El. And even then that was mainly about sex, and about having a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend. Louis' probably not the love guru. "Can't you give her your jacket or something? Ask her to go steady?"

"This isn't  _Grease,_ " Liam teases, putting Loki down and scratching him behind his ears.

"Everything's  _Grease,"_ Louis says wisely, and they sing  _Summer Loving_ all the way home.

 

 

 

Zayn sits with them at lunch, which is new and slightly nauseating. 

Louis sits down at their usual table, only to find Zayn is already there. Liam shoots her a pleading look, so Louis only mumbles a hello, before taking a huge bite of her pasta. Then she stares at them for a bit, because she likes to phase people out.

Zayn is wearing a black, leather jacket, with a dark t-shirt underneath. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun, and Louis recognises one of Liam's bracelets round her wrist, the rope one Liam brought when they went to Leeds festival last year, from a young girl with dyed hair and painted cheeks. Louis wonders when they exchanged that, wonders what Zayn gave Liam in return.

"So, Zayn," Louis says slowly, twirling a piece of pasta around her fork. "What are you intentions towards our dear Liam?"

Zayn lifts an eyebrow at her, then clears her throat. "Probably not suitable for public conversation," she says coolly, then shoots Liam a filthy grin. Louis grins back in delight.

"Oh, I like you," she says seriously, and smiles even more when Zayn smacks a kiss on a squealing Liam's cheek. Louis watches them, watches the way their hands shift under the table. They're definitely holding hands, and she's not sure if that makes her want to coo or stab them with a fork.

While she's deliberating potential bodily harm, a pair of long legs swing into the chair next to her, and Harry folds her long limbs into a seat.

"Hey," she says blithely, as if this is something she does everyday. Which she doesn't. Louis knows she doesn't. Louis isn't prepared for this, Louis is prepared for early mornings and puppies. Not meetings at lunch time. Louis may be having a breakdown. 

Louis tries to say hi back, but she has a mouth full of pasta, so she ends up choking. Which leads to Harry patting her back, which is even worse, because Harry's hands are  _huge,_ and Louis' mind is very dirty, and her libido is just a giant slag, if she's honest.

"Hi," she manages finally, her cheeks burning. "Nice weather we're having."

Harry shoots her look as if she's insane. "Yeah," she says slowly. "The downpour this morning was terrific."

"I don't know," Zayn says lightly, shrugging. "The rain's pretty to paint."

"But not pretty to run in," Harry argues back, "I forgot my homework, so I had to run back and get it, and I got soaked."

"Take a coat then," Zayn suggests, and sticks her tongue out at Harry. Harry sticks her tongue out back, then Zayn turns back into a conversation with Liam.

"So," Louis says loudly, "What did you just have?"

"Psychology," Harry sighs, bringing out a small lunch box. "Freud is a real charmer, believe me."

"Is that the one who thinks everyone wants to have sex with their dad?" Louis asks, crinkling her nose. "Because that's a bit too  _Games of Thrones_ for me."

"Yeah, the Oedipus complex," Harry scowls, taking an angry bite of her sandwich. "It's a real delight to have incest as your second to last lesson of the day."

"At least you didn't have music," Louis grumbles, stabbing at her pasta. "Mrs Ferguson's going to kill me, I still haven't finished my coursework." 

"Louis," Liam sighs, breaking away from Zayn's conversation. "You promised you'd finish it soon."

"I'm going to," Louis whines, "just. Somewhere in the future. Stop giving me the puppy dog eyes. Zayn, distract her please."

Zayn rolls her eyes, but she looks amused. "Do your coursework then."

Louis sticks her tongue at her, and Zayn blinks a little bit, then sticks her tongue out right back. Louis grins at her, then turns back to Harry. 

Harry hums sympathetically. "Have you done your English yet?"

"No," Louis groans, flinging an arm over her eyes. "Shit, I've forgotten all about that. Why did we take A-Levels again?"

"They promised us it would be an critical part of our future," Harry says solemnly. "And because legally we can't leave school until we're seventeen."

"That wasn't in the contract," Louis says seriously, and Harry grins. "I'm serious. I don't remember anyone telling me that. Liam!"

Liam doesn't even raise her head from Zayn's, and flips Louis off without looking. Louis is vaguely impressed.

"You know the offer to help still stands," Harry says casually, unwrapping some of her lunch, "I'm doing okay in English, so. It wouldn't be a trouble."

"Thanks," Louis says quietly, trying to convince herself her hands aren't sweating. "Wait, what is that?"

Harry pauses, gesturing to the cake in her hands. "Er, cake. You know, a sweet baked desert? Popular at birthdays?"

"Shut up," Louis says absent mindedly. "Did you make that?" 

Harry shrugs, dimpling bashfully. "Yeah, I work in the bakery at the weekends. Do you - do you want to try some?"

Louis nods, and Harry breaks off some of the cake and hands it to her. It's nice, sweet vanilla sponge, with tangy lemon icing, and it's seriously good. She even lets out a little groan, but she's probably imagining it when Harry flushes a little.

"That's seriously good," Louis says happily, licking her lips. "You should drop out and be a baker, Styles."

Harry's looking at her funny, and Louis squirms, uncomfortable. "What? Has my mascara smudged?"

"No," Harry says slowly, "No, you've - "

She reaches out slowly, and Louis freezes, shivers shooting down her spine. Harry's lent in close enough she can see the flecks of brown in her eyes, and Louis' breath hitches, everything slowing down. Harry swipes a thumb over Louis' lip, the pad of her thumb rough against Louis' skin, and Louis shivers, heart racing.

"You had a crumb," Harry clarifies, leaning back, and Louis feels all the air rush back to her lungs.

"Thanks," she murmurs breathlessly, and her cheeks are burning.

"You're welcome," Harry says, and her voice sounds equally strained.

"Right," Louis says, and they don't speak for the rest of lunch. 

 

 

 

 

When Louis' brushing her teeth that night, even when she scrubs and scrubs, she can still feel the pad of Harry's thumb on her lip.

She almost imagines Harry's left her thumb print, like a brand on Louis' skin, but that would be stupid. 

 

 

 

Sometimes Louis loves having brothers, and sometimes Louis wishes there was some way she could shove them back into her mother's uterus.

She shared this with her mum once, and her mum had just told she had already googled it, and there was no hope so she better suck it up, and could she please go tidy her room now.

It's a Saturday, which should mean lay ins and cartoons, but her mum's going shopping, and the twins are coming, meaning Louis' coming, because the twins are like whirlpools on their own, but full blown tornados when together.

"Dylan," Louis says firmly, "if you don't put that down, I'm going to melt all your crayons."

Dylan scowls at her, but he's just the right side of childhood innocence to believe her. He blinks blue eyes at her, then shoves his thumb in his mouth. The other hand slips into Louis', hot and sticky, and she sighs. She feels a nostalgia for bedtime stories, for being wrapped up in fluffy towels, having her mum comb through her hair carefully. But that's a big sister's job, and if she's honest, she wouldn't change it for the world.

"Where's Percy?" Louis sighs, scanning the shop for an identical blond head. She spots him waiting at the check out with Jay, trying to help by stuffing things into plastic bags. He's going to crack all the eggs by placing the cans on top of them, but his little face is screwed up with concentration.

"Where to next?" Louis asks when they've packed all the bags in the car. She lifts Dylan up into the car, then hands him his  _The Three Owls_ book. It means he'll spend all afternoon hooting, but it also means they won't crash the car because the twins are screaming their heads off. 

"Just the bakery in town, love," Jay says, checking her mirror before backing out, "I need to get more bread."

"Louis, the owl's can't go to sleep!"

"Yes, I know, Dylan. Why do we need more bread, we had three loaves on Monday."

"Yes, well Finn is going through the phase where he eats everything that isn't nailed down, so we need reinforcements."

"Louis, the owl's can't go to sleep!"

"I know, Dylan," Louis sighs, twisting round in her seat. "Remember when we talked about reading in your head?"

Dylan nods solemnly at her, little finger tracing the words of the book. Louis turns back round, flipping down the mirror in the front seat. She looks like shit; her brown hair is shoved up into a beanie, and she didn't have time to put on any make up this morning.

"I look like the Hulk," she tells Jay sadly, tugging a couple of curls loose.

"Only on bad days," Jay says cheerfully, then laughs when Louis glares at her. They pull up outside of the bakery, and Louis helps carry the twins out the car. She adjusts Percy on her hip, and he snuggles close to her, little hands clutching at her shirt. Percy is the quieter twin, and Louis secretly thinks it's because he was born 10 minutes after Dylan, taking his time to take in the world. 

She follows after Jay, the bell on the bakery door making a little jingly noise. It smells gorgeous in the bakery, like fresh bread and cupcakes, and Percy lifts his head off her shoulder, sniffing interestedly.

"You hungry, bud?" she asks him, smiling, and Percy nods shyly. "Don't worry, mum's making lunch when we get home - "

"Louis?"

Louis is so startled that she almost drops Percy - which is probably good that she doesn't, because she'd probably get into a lot of trouble.

"Harry?" she replies slowly, because it is Harry. Harry who works in a bakery. Shit.

"You said a naughty word," Dylan crows delightedly, because Louis is apparently speaking out loud now. Great. She'll add that to the resume. 

Harry's eyes are wide with surprise, and she has a smudge of flour on her sheet. Her hair is also pulled back into a beanie, but she has a few curls artfully loose, framing her heart shaped face.

"Hey," Louis says awkwardly. "My mum's just getting some bread. Um, you okay?"

"Yeah, you?" Harry asks tentatively, then smiles when she spots Percy. "Awe, is this your brother?"

Percy lifts his head from Louis' shoulder, and waves quietly. Harry waves back, and Percy laughs happily. "I'm four," Percy announces loudly, "I'm going to big boy school soon."

"Really?" Harry says, her voice carefully laced with surprise. "No way, you look much older than four. Are you sure you're not ten?"

Percy giggles, and Louis really can't deal with this. She really can't deal with Harry being pretty, and nice, and a bit of a dork, and good with her little brothers. She may combust with sexual desire.

"Louis?" her mum calls, then, "Oh," when she sees Harry. "Who's your friend?"

Louis can practically see the cogs whirring in her mum's brain, and she resists the urge to groan. Jay's eyes are sparkling, eyes darting between Harry and Louis. "I'm Jay Tomlinson," she smiles, and Louis wants to run into a brick wall, she really does. "I'm Louis' mum."

"Harry Styles," Harry says smiling, and Louis can see her mum melting at the sight of Harry's dimples. "Your boys are very sweet."

"I'm not sweet," Dylan roars, swinging on Louis' leg, "I'm a dinosaur."

"No, you're not," Louis hisses, "oh my gosh, shut up, you are a child, you are so embarrassing."

"Louis," Jay admonishes, but Harry just smiles, wiping her hands on her apron.

"Well, do dinosaurs like biscuits?" she asks sweetly, and shakes her head at Louis' protesting squeaks. Harry bags up a couple of biscuits for the boys, passing them over and completely charming Jay when she refuses to let her pay.

"You don't have to," Louis says quickly, "I mean it's better you don't, they get hyped up on sugar, and there was this time with the playdough - "

"They're oat cookies," Harry grins, "completely free from any playdough dangers, I promise."

"Well, thanks," Louis says awkwardly, suddenly shy. "I. Thanks."

"No problem," Harry says, and she's blushing too. "I, er, I put one in there for you as well." There's a shout from the kitchen, and Harry turns to go, giving Louis a little wave as she does. Louis watches the bakery door swing shut, before she trudges out to the car. She clambers into the front seat, clipping up her seatbelt, and stares at her mum expectantly.

"So," Jay says brightly, "who was that lovely, young girl?"

Louis groans, and smacks her head on the dashboard.

 

 

 

Harry is coming round her house.

"Harry is coming round my house," Louis wails down the phone to Liam, and she hears a rustling and murmuring that tells her Zayn is there. Screw Liam and her perfect girlfriend. Screw Liam for being able to screw her perfect girlfriend. Screw everyone who's in a relationship.

"I'm not sure why you're in such shock about this," Liam sighs, voice tinny through the phone. "You invited her over. I'm not sure what you thought would happen."

"I thought she'd say no like a normal person," Louis hisses, resting the phone on the crook of her neck while she tugs up her skinniest jeans. "I'm not prepared for this."

"She's helping you with your coursework," Liam says in that patient voice that makes Louis want to smack her. "You don't have to do anything. Well, apart from conjugate verbs." 

Liam starts snickering at her own joke, and Louis almost throws the phone at the wall. "You are no help at all," Louis tells her flatly, "I hate you."

"But Zayn doesn't!" Liam says cheerfully, and then there is a lot of thumping and rustling on the other side of the phone. Louis hangs up. The door bell rings, and Louis swears loudly. She's still in her bra, so she pulls on the nearest shirt to her, and runs down the stairs.

Unfortunately, Finn opens the door before she can get there. It's Friday night, so Finn's in his Hulk pyjamas, and still has the X Box controller in his hand. His hair is standing up at the back, the way only a ten year old boy's can, and he's got odd socks on.

"Hi," Harry grins, beaming at him in blue skinny jeans and tight black t-shirt, and Finn looks as if he's going to pee himself. Louis lets him suffer for a few seconds - he is actually making a goldfish impression - before rescuing him.

"Hey, Harry," Louis says, nudging Finn out the way. "This is my little brother, Finn. Um, sorry about the mess."

"It's fine," Harry says, smiling. "It's homely."

Louis wants to say _right,_ in an extremely sarcastic manner, but Harry looks so sincere something catches in her throat. Instead she just nods, gesturing for Harry to follow her, and trying to keep her heart rate under control. They pass Lot on the hallway, who has a similar reaction.

"Who's this?" Lot demands, fluffing his hair up at the back.

"This is Harry," Louis sighs, "my friend."

Lot blinks. "Your girlfriend?"

"No!" Louis shouts, then realises she sounds insane. "No. Just my friend. Who is a girl."

Lot stares at her for a bit, then snickers. "Right, 'cause that really clears that up." He slopes back into his pit of a bedroom before Louis can shout at him, so Louis just sighs pushing the door to her bedroom open. "Um, so this is it."

Her room isn't small, but it isn't big either, the twins have the biggest room 'cause they share, but Harry just smiles that sincere smile again. She flops down on the bed, and Louis has to bite her lip at how comfortable she looks, because _Harry Styles_ on _her_ bed does something very interesting to her lizard brain, indeed. 

"So, I figured we could start with the intro," Harry begins, so Louis pulls out her laptop, logging in and pulling up a word document. Harry sits next to her, thighs pressed together, close enough Louis can smell her vanilla shower gel. She can't stop thinking about the way Harry said  _it's homely,_ and it's making her breath come out in little pants.

It's actually okay for a bit, if okay can translated into excruciatingly painful. Louis' manages to get an introduction and two whole paragraphs done, until something bubbles up in her chest and she blurts: "Who was your girlfriend?"

Harry, who was in the middle of explaining symbolism in  _Macbeth,_ looks suitably bewildered. "It's just that day in the park, we were talking about it, and you said you had a break up story. But you never - " Louis waves her hand in their air expressively. "Expanded."

"Oh," Harry says, looking down at her lap, eyelashes resting against her cheeks, delicate as butterfly wings. "That - "

"You don't have to tell me," Louis says quickly, "I mean - "

"No," Harry says firmly, shaking her head, "No, I want to." She takes a deep breath, pushing back a strand of curly black hair. "There's was one girl, last summer. I mean, I knew I liked girls, but I hadn't been interested in anyone, since - " She swallows awkwardly, and Louis feels the familiar prickles of shame stir.

"Anyway," Harry continues, "I met a girl in the summer. She knew Gemma, but she was our age, just went to a different school."

"What did she look like?" Louis asks, and she doesn't feel jealous, couldn't feel jealous when Harry looks so wistful. 

"Blond," Harry smiles, eyes swimming in memories, drowning in old ghosts. "Dyed, though. Laughed a lot. Wore snap backs, even though we live in  _England._ She - she was nice. Sweet. She had a good laugh."

"What happened to her?" Louis asks quietly. Harry smiles, but it's coloured in sadness.

"Moved back to Ireland," Harry says softly, "mum and dad divorced. She went with her dad. It just - felt like everything was being pulled away. I had this beautiful summer, and then she was gone. And it was stupid, but I was sixteen. Sixteen and it felt like the end of the world." She takes a shaky breath. "I think everyone just wants to be wanted sometimes."

Louis kisses her, because she can't do anything else. She kisses Harry softly, just their lips touching, a slow move of skin against skin. She kisses Harry and it's like the promise of summer, the fall of raindrops, the blur of new life and goodbyes. Harry kisses her back, slow and even, and curls a hand in her hair like a promise.

Harry presses her down against the bed, and it's slow and languid, even when Louis' veins feel like they're on fire. Harry kisses as if she has all the time in the world, tongue brushing against hers, licking into her mouth until Louis moans. Harry slides one hand up Louis' ribcage, finger tips spreading fire, and cups Louis' breast, squeezing gently over the fabric. Louis slots her thigh between Harry's leg, the weight of Harry's body thrilling against hers, as Harry rubs one thumb over her nipple, torturously slow.

Then Harry pulls back with a yelp, and Louis kind of wants to grab her back, but Harry's face is pinched with worry.

"I like you," Louis blurts, before she can think about it. "I'm sorry for when we were fourteen, but I like you. Though God knows why, because I hate getting up early, but when you run you have this look of pure - determination, like you can do anything. And you went with Zayn to kidnap Hatchi, though she's the ugliest thing I've ever seen. You gave my little brothers extra cookies even though they're freaks, and you said my house was  _homely."_

Louis' laughing, and she's aware it's half hysterical, but she's past caring. "My house isn't homely, it's a mess, it's noisy, it's full of too many people. And I'm sorry about your Irish girl, but you looked so sad, and I don't want you to be sad. Not any more."

She's aware she's panting, and she feels so vulnerable - but in a good way. Like the way your muscles burn after a really long run. She sits up, Harry sliding off of her, and Harry sits back, knees folded beneath her.

"I like you too," Harry whispers. "You're sweet and funny, and you're a shit runner, but you're all I can think about. I can't get you out of my head, even if I try." She looks down, then grins at Louis cheekily. "Not that I'm really trying."

"Oh my  _God,"_ Louis says, then throws herself at Harry. They kiss through Finn jumping around his room, Harry's big hands cupping her waist, pinning her down. They kiss through Louis' mum coming home, Harry's hair falling around her shoulders.

They kiss, with Harry's hand down Louis' shirt, until Lot throws the door open. He stares at them for a bit, then says, "That's really hot," in an admiring tone, until Louis throws a shoe at him.

"Sorry," Louis says sheepishly, but Harry just laughs, resting her elbows either side of Louis' torso, her long, lean body hovering over Louis'.

"It's cute," Harry laughs, kissing her nose. Louis leans up, meeting her for a kiss, lips sliding against each other's like they've been doing this forever. She frowns a little into the kiss, something tugging at the back of her mind.

"Wait, what do you mean a shit runner!" 

"Shut up, Louis."

Louis would kick her, but kissing Harry is far more enjoyable.

**Author's Note:**

> so.
> 
>  
> 
> [girl!direction blog?](http://everyjawdrops.tumblr.com/)


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